Saturday, March 12, 2011

My Ear Hurts = No New Column

Last Crack---Burning Time


My ear hurts so it's really hard to write something.

This whole column was going to be "My ear really fucking hurts" and that
was going to be it.

Simple, to the point.

A no-frills column.

But, when I went to pee, the pain went away. So I thought that I could
write something.

Now it hurts again.

And it's not just the ear. Oh, no. It's gone down into my jaw. So my jaw
hurts to. Also part of my neck.

How did this happen?

Probably when I got water i my ear and, instead of just letting it
slowly drip out, I decided to jam a cotton swab into the ear. That
started it.

I should have let things go, but kept on jamming new cotton swabs into
the ear, trying to free whatever it was from my ear. Cotton swab after
cotton swab after cotton swab and it just kept getting worse.

So, did I stop? Hell no! I got me some ear rinse stuff and squirted that
stuff into the ear and then jammed even MORE cotton swabs into the ear
and it didn't do squat.

Then I got hungry and had a piece of cheese and while I was chewing, the
pain went away. A few minutes after chewing though and the pain was

Now the pain is back to it's severe threshold and I really shouldn't
write anymore.

I can't think straight.

What if this goes down into my legs? Will they need to be amputated?

How will I drive places with no legs?

I heard this rumor about a painter who cut off his ear. Maybe the same
thing happened to him? Didn't he become famous after dying or something?

I guess I could cut off my ear and then die. Then all this stuff I've
written all these years will be worth a bunch of money? Is that how it

Anyway, the pain is too severe now so I'm going to write anything this

COMING NEXT: Well, I'll be dead so I guess the webmaster will just have
to post something old.

No comments: