As I work feverishly on my campaign, Bob sits quietly at home with his
17 chilluns, surfing the web for obscure midget porn and coming up with
cool shit like www.mystrangestories.com.
From my understanding, you can write your own "Frogman" opus, post it
and everyone in the whole wide world (at least those with
electricity....oh, and a computer) can read it. What an astounding
concept. One that's never been done before meaning......
Bob is the pioneer of the post-it-yourself story sites.
If someone else did it before, fuck 'em. (If you're wondering about my
attitude, go talk to the "blog pioneer" and he'll tell you about my
bitterness. That is if he's a real man, not a pussy. Besides, Bob
really, really, really, really, really, really, really needs this one
folks. Number 18, from Guatemala, is due to land with a resounding
"thunk" on his front doorstep any day now.)
He also makes a good point about someone posting who might be the next
Shakespeare, but I decided to take that one step further.
I have rounded up two monkeys and hope to get a few thousand more. Then
I'm going to get a few thousand and two typewriters, strap those monkeys
into those ergonomic chairs and have them type and type until one comes
up with something that remotely resembles something halfway interesting
and I'm going to post it.
Maybe if I'm lucky it will be true and a monkey can come up with
something Shakespearian and then I'll take the credit and thwart Bob yet
Seriously though, anything to do with this site is his idea and vision.
The layout, the colors, the font---everything. He sits at his desk all
day long adjusting this and that only taking time off to throw handfuls
of Boo Berries at his kiddies pitter-pattering feet so they don't go
hungry and then it's back to work.
What a guy. That's why, when I'm elected, he will be my First Lady, a
position I'm sure he'll gladly accept.
So now you sitting there with a story that you really want to post but
can't come up with a title. How about "Booger Joe"? It just came to me
because I thought I had an actual booger in my nose! Hell, maybe you
have a title but no story, so why not write about Booger Joe? See how
easy it is?
Some of you might have went to one of those fancy-schmancy writing
classes and they told you to "write about what you know". Fuck that! Do
you think we knew anything about a Frogman when that mini opus was
That came from a couple of guys that were drunk and wired on orange
cocaine (which was later found to be powdered cheese, but no matter).
Bob took the next step and decided that the world needed to know about
Frogman and the rest is history.
Now it's up to you. Write what you need to write, just none of that
Harry Potter shit. Anything resembling that will be yanked, used to
clean up some green, runny baby poo and then burned.
And the day your first book is published, just remember to give thanks
to Bob (real name: Bob. He uses a fake name so people can't hunt him
down and butt rape him.)
COMING NEXT: I will open the blue drawers