Well, it's a little bit late compared to the last few years but better
late than never, right? RIGHT?
But before I gaze into whatever I gaze into, let's see what my gazing
predicted last year and revel in the fact that I was way of base on some
of my predictions. I am in no means an expert of foreseeing the future,
but I have these yearly visions probably caused by the many, many whacks
to the head I endured (and enjoyed) as a child.
So you'll have the actual 2007 prediction and the actual outcome
following the above-mentioned prediction. Prepare to be stunned.
1) A pseudo-starlet will be found dead in a hotel room. Surrounding her
body will be a half empty (maybe even half full?) box of Cheese Nips, a
turkey baster, a lamb chop, a puddle of water, disc two of season one of
"Herman's Head" and an opened tube of Vagisil. In twenty questions or
less, can we figure out how she died? Do we really care?
(OUTCOME: Well, duh. I got this one right. Mostly.)
2) Mets to the World Series! (OUTCOME: This one got fucked up. Ask them
3) Many people will watch the new season of "American Idol". I won't and
will still wish that they would all just go away. (OUTCOME: Score!!!!)
4) Pepsi or Coke will come up with a new flavored soda, like Chocolate
Pepsi, and the competing brand will release the same flavor within a
(OUTCOME: I don't know. Not flavors exactly, but there's Pepsi Max and a
Coke product with minerals. Not exactly the same, but I'll take 1/2 on
5) "Spiderman 3" will NOT be the top grossing movie of the year. It'll
be something else. Something you wouldn't expect. Something that's not
part of a trilogy. It'll probably have an "o" in the title. (OUTCOME:
And I thought Lohan had this one locked up. Damn her to hell!)
6) More Jesus/Virgin Mary image sightings! Really! At least two!
(OUTCOME: There had to be a couple somewhere. Or maybe they gave up on
7) My book will finally be finished, or close to finished. It'll contain
zombies 'cause the kiddies love them zombies! (OUTCOME: Started with
zombies, found that the kiddies like love stories and horsies so I
changed things around to include a love story and horsies and found that
that sucked so I'm back to square one. The outline is there and it's
begun and by god what an opus it's gonna be.)
Final tally: 2.5/7. I'm borderline brilliant!
Which brings us to 2008.............
1) Someone will finally wise up and take me up on that offer of
assistance I've been offering for years and years. They'll get the help
they need from someone with a full head of hair not affiliated with
someone hell bent on total world domination.
2) There'll be a new president of something somewhere.
3) A live episode of "American Idol" will turn into a bloodbath because
of a disgruntled contestant. I won't watch but will cackle when hearing
about it the next day.
4) I'll figure out a way to control my spastic sphincter while driving
5) The number one movie of the year will have the letter "i" somewhere
in the title or credits.
6) Mets vs Indians in the World Series. (This hinges on someone with the
7) A satellite will fall to the earth with an unknown lifeform attached
to it's surface. The lifeform, in the form of a jelly-like substance,
will terrorize a small town. Chaos ensues.
8) For the kiddies: Cough syrup out. Vanilla extract in.
COMING NEXT: Shouldn't I end something?