Sunday, August 14, 2005

A Discussion on Dreams


Jethro Tull---"Minstrel in the Gallery"

MoTW---"Born to Fight"

Let's talk about dreams today.

About 4 years ago, I received an email from someone wondering what their
recurring dream meant. I decided to hold onto the email and wait for
someone else to ask about their dream(s), which I eventually received
about 2 years later.

I completely forgot about those 2 emails until recently when
rediscovered them as I was cleaning up my inbox. Now I'm ready to help
out a couple people with an explanation of their dreams. I only hope
that they're still alive so they can finally have answers to their
burning questions.

I am not an authority on dreams, but feel that I can give these 2 people
simple, honest answers so that they don't have to worry about any
medical jargon and/or mumbo-jumbo.

So without any further delays, onto the email we shall go!

From Bart N.:

"i have a dream where i am runing through a field of talking corn stalks
while some guy with a 9 iron chases me and he's wearing a yellow tank
top and speedos. what does this mean?"

I remember that I once had a dream about a gigantic cheeseburger chasing
me down a hill. It was frighteningly huge and I would wake up in a cold
sweat with the image of a giant, lettuce-filled cheeseburger seemingly
etched into my mind.

A few weeks after having this dream, I was attacked by a gigantic
cheeseburger on a street corner. Strangely enough, their weren't any
hills around and a giant bottle of ketchup joined in the attack.

Since the attack didn't happen on a hill and a giant bottle of ketchup
joined in, I assumed this was just a coincidence. Therefore, I can
report that my dream meant absolutely nothing.

However, Bart's dream is totally different. If it hasn't happened
already, I predict that he will be pummelled within an inch of his life
by an angry Latin lover that's fed up with Bart's mustache that tickles
a little too much, denying the lover real gratification. The cornstalks
are just a phallic symbol, but why they talk is beyond my layman's
comprehension.

From Nicole N.:

"I have dreams that I can fly, except that I'm naked. Does this mean
anything?"

Dreams about flying usually occur after eating too many Pizza Rolls or
too much liverwurst. Dreams about being naked usually occur after
drinking too much apple juice or Schlitz.

Yet dreams are a part of the subconscious and your subconscious is
telling you that you need to be free. Yes Nicole, you CAN fly! You just
need to tap into that part of your brain where your ability to fly has been
hidden all these years.

I recommend you start of simple, maybe by jumping off a hardcover book.
In that millisecond before you land on the floor, keep telling yourself
that you can fly. Keep practicing and make sure you tell you friends.

When you've advanced to flying off a chair, it'll be time to discard
that constricting clothing. It'll also be time to show your friends and
neighbors what you can do, so go right ahead and march down to the local
convenience store in all of your naked glory.

Make sure you have quite the crowd gathered, and then show them your
stuff when you jump off the counter in the store and fly for that second
or two. They'll appreciate your ability in more ways than you'll ever
know, and you'll probably get a couple paragraphs in the local newspaper
because, after that awesome stunt, you'll definitely be going places.

COMING NEXT: Hoist your crates!

2 comments:

Cap'n Bosworth J. Shrimpstain said...

Ahoy!

You are humbly invited to the 1st Annual Cap'n Bosworth J. Shrimpstain Memorial Fishfry on August 20th!

details are at http://thelegendofcapnshrimpstain.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I am so there! When is it? Where? I love fish frys even though fish makes me violently sick. I love to eat the stuff and then puke my guts out!